


Mendel's Plastic Love

by emit98



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Anal Sex, Mpreg, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-10-07 23:21:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10372113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emit98/pseuds/emit98
Summary: Mendel has an infatuation with sporks.





	1. Chapter 1

Mendel’s first encounter with sporks was in middle school, when he forgot to pack his lunch one day and was forced to get school lunch. He stared at the piece of plastic with fascination. It was so round, and pointy in all the right places.

That was when he knew he had found his true love.

When he was sure no one else was looking, Mendel slipped the spork into his pocket. That night, he laid in bed, tracing his fingers around the spoon part, lightly poking the pointy tips, and tracing his finger down the length of the disposable silverware. This happened every night until the unthinkable happened: his mother threw the spork away. 

Mendel was heartbroken, but soon “forgot” his lunch again. This trend continued until adulthood, when Mendel found a bag of sporks for sale at the store. He bought them, and went home, eager to touch them.

It was with a human lover that Mendel realized he could use the sporks to relieve his sexual desires. He was having intercourse with a girl from his Psych 101 class when she put her finger in his butt. It drove Mendel insane. For the rest of the night, he couldn’t stop thinking about how it would feel to put a spork up there. 

He did so as soon as the girl left. Mendel’s yogurt shooter immediately ejected a load. It was a big load that took a while to clean up.

For a while, though, work and school took over, and Mendel’s love for sporks took a backseat to life.

About fifteen years later, when Mendel was married to Trina and shortly after Whizzer’s death, he found a spork in one of Whizzer’s drawers when they were helping Marvin go through his stuff. A rush of emotions ran through Mendel’s mind, and he pocketed the spork before anyone could see it. 

That night, he went into the bathroom. Mendel pleasured himself by sliding the handle of the spork into his ass. He moaned in delight as it hit his prostate. He could swear he heard the spork moaning, too. He could also swear he felt the spork cum in his ass, but he brushed it off as just his imagination. 

A few weeks passed, and Mendel spent most nights in the bathroom with his spork. He wished he could treat the spork to a more romantic lovemaking session, but he assumed Trina would not want the spork in their bed.

Mendel was starting to gain weight, though. Trina noticed one day while they were making love and Mendel was not as eager as he used to be. 

“Dear, I know you’re sad about Whizzer,” she said gently. “We all are. But I think we need to start going back to normal now. We’ll go to the gym together tomorrow, okay?” She kissed Mendel sweetly before rolling over to go to sleep.

The thing was, Mendel had not been eating his sadness away. He had been eating a perfectly normal amount.

Months passed, and Mendel got bigger and bigger. He was startled when he felt a kick in his stomach. He ignored it; it had to be his imagination. 

Then, the day came: nine months since he had reunited with his spork lover. Mendel was with a patient when bloody water expelled from his anus. He blacked out, terrified of what seemed to be happening.

When Mendel awoke, he was in a hospital bed. There were doctors around him, his legs were spread, and a horrible pain was coming from his rectum.

“Sir, this may be startling,” the doctor said, “but you need to push.”

Mendel did so, screaming in agony. Soon, something popped out of his rectum. He was unsure what it was; the doctors were holding it and murmuring to themselves.

Eventually, they brought over the little bundle of joy.

“It’s a boy, Mr. Weisenbachfeld,” the doctor said, handing the child to Mendel.

Mendel took the child and looked at it. It was not a typical baby. It was the size of a typical newborn, but it was a spork with a face, arms, and legs. It also had a white plastic penis. His face was furrowed in the frustration newborns typically have.

“What do you want to name your son?” The doctor asked.

Mendel thought for a moment, and then smiled.

“Whizzer.”


	2. Think Of The Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mendel is a happy dad.

Mendel then felt another contraction go through his lower half, but it was nowhere near as strong as the first one. 

“Doctor,” he said. “Doctor, I think there’s another one!”

The doctor helped Mendel deliver a second baby. This one was the size of a typical spork. The difference between this one and the first one was that it looked just like a normal human baby, but with spikes on its head, sort of like Lisa Simpson from The Simpsons, even though that show had not been invented yet so Mendel and the doctors had no way of comparing the strange newborn child to the fictional eight-year-old. This one was female.

“Fuck, I wasn’t expecting two,” Mendel said. He started at the new child with a frown, thinking of a name. “I don’t know… Whizzette?”  
And so it was put on the birth certificate, Whizzette.

Mendel took Whizzer and Whizzette home. He had not been expecting a child at all, so he just put them in the dog cage until he could set up cribs for them. He dug Jason’s old stuff out of the basement and set it all up in the spare bedroom. He figured Whizzette didn’t need a full-sized baby crib, so he just put her in a little basket Trina had lying around.   
And so the joys of fatherhood began.

Mendel woke up all through the night to crying babies. He went in and breastfed them (due to his pregnancy, his nipples started lactating. Men’s nipples can lactate, look it up if you don’t believe me) and change their diapers. They grew up slowly, and Mendel kept taking care of them. He loved little Whizzer and really little Whizzette. Unfortunately, Marvin refused to let them near him. He claimed they reminded him too much of his dead boyfriend. So Mendel took them on walks whenever Marvin came over.

Then, tragedy struck. When Whizzer and Whizzette were but three years old, they were walking but in the way babies do: all stumbly and stuff. Jason’s dog was always eyeing the tiny Whizzette every time she moved about the house, but Mendel kept the dog away. Whizzer, who was normal three-year-old size despite being a spork, did not have this problem.   
Mendel was playing with the kids when he dozed off. He woke up to a blood-curdling scream. The dog had Whizzette in its mouth. Mendel watched in horror as the dog bit down, eating the tiny child.

Whizzer was watching as well, wide-eyed. He was never the same after that. That winter, Whizzer sat too close to the fireplace and he melted into a pile of cheap plastic and blood.


End file.
